In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
