if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and she was petting her beer can
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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