i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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