I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
