The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she told me i tasted like america
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
