Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
