my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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