I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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