yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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