everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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