This is not my ceiling
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
