Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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