i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
