So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
