dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize