had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
