omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize