Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
