I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
