also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize