I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize