I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think my tv is drunk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
