dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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