I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize