So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
