my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
