I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
