You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize