i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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