what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
