she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He passed out mid-signature
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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