i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
