I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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