TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
