Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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