Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
