I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
