the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
