if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
