at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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