I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
