This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
