I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
