I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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