You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
