DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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