I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
