I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize