I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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