Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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