Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
