return my video game
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
