I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
