I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are the jesus of drinking
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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