can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
