you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
