I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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