Whats the glycemic index on semen?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
