I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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