i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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