Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
