So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
