woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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