so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
