That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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