just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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