no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
