arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
