FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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