On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
