I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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