So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
